Since We Last Smoked...

It's been about 2,713 minutes (approx. 2.5 weeks) since we last touched base with a Gary Glitter-finger fervency...there's been alot. I revolutionarily resigned from my graveyard shift. Now i'm BALLIN' on a budget and Living the Life of Reilly. I'll be brief in my own prose this evening & let lightworks + lensewords convey the cornea's candy consumption:


After the darkness declines, all beauty begins with blue skies.


Myself + Vinyl Vivian + Matthew Shnickens + Romford Tony watched a low-budget celluloid masterpiece of contemporary African cinema entitled 'King of The Jungle 2' on the BEN Channel after the remote was too far away to reach. It wasn't quite Schindler's List or The English Patient but we endured it all the same.


Sista Dom knocked the yard; she brought the spirit of Jimi Hendrix with her.


Sat atop Hampstead Heath's peak at 1.30am in pitch black darkness + minus temperatures with homeskillet Renee. I remain the master of unconventional dating spots.


Hit a open mic session to check Leona spew sexy-time sonnets on cocks and KY Jelly and somehow make it completely acceptable in the vein of poetic justice. Her friends Lorretta + Gabriellina gazed over me like a potential rapist. All in a night's work for me really.


Krys knocked the yard; she brought an abstract air freshener from the Sri Lankan £1 store, a bizarre combination: Spearmint & Lime fragrance?!


Myself + Kareem went to our friend's Mother's funeral (the heart goes out), the first one i've agreed/offered to attend 12 years; a somber ceremony that forced reflection on the idea of mortality, that of my own & those closest. We then went to Burger King to drown our sorrows. We didn't appreciate the jovial facial expression of this Pink Panther, it was most inappropriate.


Met up with my dawgies. K Master Flash + Anti-Christ Aisha + Nappy Nafe + Mack 10 Renaldo + Blueberry Blunted Daniel + Shank-N-Shoot Shane. Went to watch the fourth 'Rambo' movie as we grew up on the previous three. Quite possibly the most violent film I've ever seen; how many Cambodian picknies can you potentially merk in 97 minutes?


Sporadically decided to drive up to Southend-On-Sea with chauffeur Sheri after demoralizing her with Sam's Chicken (2 strip-burger + 2 fry + 2 pound). I navigated us the whole way there by predominantly guessing & a reiteration of the words "just keep going straight", with an incomplete A to Z and no Tom-Tom and no visible stars to guide us. Crocodile Dundee ain't got shit on me, son.


I found a climbing frame & swang like a monkey when we got there.


I can't swim so I get bare paranoid around sea-travel.


Surrounded by obsidian sea-water and charcoal sky. But I'd set out to see the two merge like infinite blackness in the distance ahead just for this night. One smug inhalation later I uttered to my accomplice, "zoop zoop, mission accomplished."


Started work experience at MTV Base. Amongst other activities, on road filming The Lick with Tevor Nelson and the Base crew. Was jammin' with Trev-off-the-telly talking about the genetic science of women's feet: that was rather...special.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Man like underground hip-hop don producer/emcee Oddisee flew in from Washington DC to drop an exclusive PA for Lookout (London's biggest mid-week hip-hop/soul party) at Favela Chic just off Old Street. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: UK Hip-Hop legend Ty was shackin' out, then jumped up on the mic to bless the boys and the beauties with the bars. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Khy Boogie (O.G. Air Jordan apparel/memorabilia obsessive since '88, no hypebeastliness) adamently took off his Jordan V to expose his sock in the club, just for this tee/kick combo pose. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Queen Amelia + Ray + Michael in the back; 2 space oddities in the front. They're ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Yodet + Nadia. Those Mephistophelian bedroom-eyes are ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Vinyl Vivian alias DJ Cavalry the Eccentric Soul Bandit that wax hungry fuck gets nabbed red-handed attempting a pilferage of Peanuts records. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Out of seemingly nowhere, Vinyl Vivian's comrades (Big Tigga & The Fellowship) effortlessly buss' some spectacular You Got Served routine (about 6 of them in unison). Look at the sheer concentration of dancing dexterity in the mouth-pouts alone. My personal hightlight of the night. A great wild-out crew to enhance any shoobz, they're ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Just look at that European porno face. Foreign girls are ALOT. Atleast I THINK they were foreign...I might be wrong and end up offending some native Brit blue-blood nationalists, who knows.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: The return of Armshouse Chick, doing her best Ol' Dirty Bastard rendition. She's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Armshouse Chick's band of merry ne'r do well's. Turn up every week instigating urban warfare. They're ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Amelia's lechery + Katie's behind, are ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Man like Alexander Nut gets his William Wallace on. Vinyl Vivian looks a wee shook. Check Peanut, London's baddest Braveheart DJ on Rinse FM, Saturday afternoons, 1 till 3. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: The wild-out gal dem practicing their best gun-fingers; falling marginally short of the boys on the thrown-up-gang-signs front, but they're still ALOT for trying.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Renowned hip-hop producer DJ Vadim celebrating his born-day at Lookout. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Our master of ceremonies, Paz attempting to flip 2 seperate V signs 'cause he hates the papparrazzi. He's ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Celebrities like Yarah Bravo comin' through alongside her sisteren, self-catered, they're ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Shay + Michael, and i'm subjected to yet more explicit V signs. Regardless, these gents are ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Another London legend who's ALOT, Maxwell, he lurks stealthily in the shadows cast by the speakers, scopin' the spot with a tap water & a two-step- and usually goes home with YOUR bitch. Trust one, I almost went home on my lone-rangers that night 'cos of this fuckin' guy.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: The invincible Oddissee + rapper Trek-Life (who flew in from LA to perform at Lookout) getting merry. Cop of their fucking CDs immediately you apathetic bootlegging whores, I would never tell you support to any whackness, and these dudes are 106% ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: Vocalist Olivier Day Soul meets vocalist Fatima, both currently individually working with producer Hudson Mohawke- you know they're ALOT.


Lookout @ Favela Chic: 'Twas definitely the most rammed, star-studded Lookout event we've ever held- "FIRE IN THE DISCO, FIRE IN THE DISCO, FIRE IN THE TACO BELL!"

Every fortnight the rep grows bigger. WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION THE INFERNAL MAJESTY?! The next one will be noteworthy for any London socialite in particular- The Lookout vs. Chain Gang @ Favela Chic, Wednesday 19th of March. Need I employ an additional pitch when the title alone is THAT epic? It's alot.


And then I exited to hit the bus n' bop with a new entourage. Nicole became my initial sidekick, and we were later joined by our American friend (to my left), the now immortal Walter Luckett who Vinyl Vivian & I recently re-Christened as Wally Luck for untouchable street credibility. And may I clarify that the ONLY reason he's standing THAT damn close to me is because he was afraid he wasn't gonna fit in the shot- NO HOMO.


This is the point where I should go home- yet I'm a solitary knocturnal nightwalker (all the trimmings of a conceivable gigolo) with too much time upon his hands and a self-timer option on the cam.


Am I 20 years too late to allege that the Beastie Boys MADE me do it? Fuck it, atleast a young fella works hard for the ASBO.


Some members of my MTV Base team that did a pleasant job of lookin' after thy boy: Jack + Isabelle + Susan (hol' tight Jasmine Dotiwala + Yemi aswell) and also 1-Xtra presenter DJ Sarah Love, whom I've always found stunningly attractive since I was working for Kung Fu 2 years ago (captivating eyes, matchless dredds, & her favourite producers include Primo, Dilla, Madlib, RZA & most of the celestial ones!) Minutely exhilirating to be in her prescense again... What?! If you can't admit this shit on your bloody blog...


For legal reasons, this is the most I'm allowed to show you of the inner-workings at MTV Europe/Base television studios (despite having a couple shots of Soulja Boy pulling an ape face and Estelle's cleavage from the side)- it's either blog audacity or career termination!

An extraordinary week though: I met ex-Liverpool footballer/rapping demigod John Barnes and reminded him of his 'bars' from the New Order- World In Motion 1990 World Cup song! Original UK Hip-Hop powershower MC?



New Order ft. John Barnes- World In Motion (John Barnes Rap section only)

"You’ve got to hold and give
But do it at the right time
You can be slow or fast
But you must get to the line
They’ll always hit you and hurt you
Defend and attack
Theres only one way to beat them
Get round the back
Catch me if you can
Cos’ I’m the England man
And what you’re looking at
Is the master plan
We ain’t no hooligans
This ain’t a football song
Three lions on my chest
I know we can’t go wrong!"


He sequentially tried to rob my Money Cat SB Mids for his son- them Scouse scallywags. More profoundly, this week I decided on what I could most feasibly do with my professional skills. Finally found... direction. Has taken a few years & a few dozen flings, but music television may just be the one. I should be back at MTV (on the C.R.E.A.M. roll) in 5 months, fingers crossed (not V-signed please, enough of that shit, you hurt my feelings).

Oh my, this shit's morphing into a placid, sentimental diary entry. No no, we shan't have nonesuch nancy-boy twaddle on BNTL. One must endeavour to "MAKE SURE EVERYTHING REMAINS RAW".

Still, life's aight.