My woman’s almost back, looking beautiful as ever.

So what do you know summers here it arrived on Saturday, in some style and left us on Sunday around 11am yet to return but she will return she left me a note.

(That’s my girlfriend always teasing me and shit, yet again)

But boy while she was about it was almost like she had made up for all the ignored missed calls, un replied text messages and hurt full things she had done to me since January in the form of the shit weather, but all is forgiven now she’s returned.

So since Saturday I have been compiling a list of things on the lappy,

Typing up my not to does and what to do during summer just for you lot. Which I guarantee can help make you have the best time ever, from relationships, to hair, to keeping fit.

Hope you enjoy the read.

1. Those gypsy skirts and golden gladiator sandals, NO more please ladies it’s not a good look. That shit died the day “the gladiator” starring Russel Crow came out on dvd.

2. Euro 2008 is upon us, and I love my football personally I also love to kick ball as well (I’m Rolando on the pitch don’t watch that)

but please remember fellas, there are no showers or bath rooms in parks so you can not wash that nasty sweat accumulated or have a shower once your done

so keep the physical activity to a low. And save all the people on the trip home the trouble of smelling you.

3. I personally don’t like arguing with people and am big enough to just forget shit, but there are a few people out there that aren’t and just love arguing. Such people become a pain when the sun is shining hard. So save yourself a trip to Peckham police station as a result of knocking them out by just ignoring them.

3.5 like wise couples try not to argue much, there is nothing worse than arguments in the soaring heat with your other half, it only makes shit worse so,

you arguing mother fuckers in relationships don’t push your other half’s buttons !

4. Black new era caps will turn orange if continuously exposed to sun shine so switch it up on a regular basis (or risk being called a tangerine head)

5. Black clothes will automatically make you hotter (I mean in body heat), as Black absorbs all colours of light, and absorbed light is turned into heat. The hotter you get, the more you sweat causing b.o in most cases, which is not a good look. Wait fuck it not most cases, all cases!

6. If you, like 99% of us on the bntl team, wear sneakers come rain or sunshine, it can be very uncomfortable during hot days or over a long period of time during extreme heat. But like me you probably don’t care

so make sure you switch them up like every day or even 2 times a day if possible.

If that’s not possible due to the lack of footwear you own your allowed to change it every 2days (within a week) to allow them to breath as sneakers which are continuously worn, without change will stink

(just ask my mother, when I was a child we would be in the car & she’d be like)

LEGO ! what’s that smell?

You fart?

No mother. .

Is it your trainers?

eeeeeeeeeermmm no mother

Yes it is Lego ! Why don’t ever change them?

Oh and placing them on a window ledge is the perfect place for them to air out.

7. My fellow students I know summer is the time to get a job and make some money, but don’t over do it, remember it is your summer holiday after all after long term of hard work and revision, in some peoples cases (hold tight the bums who just jam on their mothers sofa’s because he/she couldn’t be bother with education).

A bunch of good fun memories during summer will last a lot longer than a couple of hundred pounds.

8. Holiday pics are cool and I love em gives a in sight to another country imo, but the invasion of Malia and what ever European raving islands you go to pictures.

On myspace and other used social networks sites during the month of august isn’t a good look, once you’ve seen one you’ve seen em all.

9. Dudes if you have worked up a strong stench of b.o,

Please for god’s sake don’t think pulling out a can of lynx or whatever aerosol you use and hosing down yourself will kill off the smell it only makes it worse.

If any thing you should go home hop in the shower, change clothes and come back out. Nothing worse than the smell of b.o and lynx YUCK!

10. For my nasty guys and girls that don’t change your underwear fucking start, its not a good look especially during the summer.

11. If you don’t wear a hat 24/7 like me, regular trips to the barbers are a necessity as there is nothing worse than a full head of untouched hair during sunny days.

It actually causes you to sweat more when out in the sun for long periods of times with a full head of nappy hair.

12. Sweat patches on your clothes are a pain; almost everyone goes through them once in a while, counter this by

Using deodorant I personally advise right guard.

Or wearing dark colours (other than black), which will hide the sweat e.g

navy blue,

grey,

purple etc.. Unless you’re in a rave and have the comfort of knowing at least 90% of the other people in the rave, to have sweat patches as well, your cool.

13. Women be careful during the summer time men like sex a lot more than usual (what! why am I baiting up me and every other male in the world)

14. I hear and know a lot of people say they need a girlfriend or boyfriend for summer.

Erm NO YOU DON’T. While spoil all the fun you could possibly have during the summer by tying yourself down during freaky party season?

Guys the ladies should be looking extra hot,

And I know I’l be putting in the work as well, for the ladies (& im almost certain other guys will be to “no homo”)

So don’t go and be silly and find a spouse just because the weathers changed its just FOOOOOOOLISH

If you unfortunately you did get a girl or man already for the summer or are so damn intent on having one

(Ha I make it sound like shopping in tesco’s)

Make sure you know what you’re getting into and take your time, I personally like to take things slow,

as she could turn out to be CRAZY, 80% of the women in London are crazy. Please believe me iv had my fair share of them.

So know a silly roadside girl (don’t as me some guys like that type of girl) is easy to get and please, McDonalds and a pair of Nike huaraches will keep her koshty during summer time but its not a sure thing she’ll look good on a regular basis or give you the time of your life.

But a smart on point, high maintained chick will look good 99% of the time & will be nice to be around but will put a whole in your Uniqlo selvage denim jeans nicely.

Gucci, miu miu, fish eggs and chicken catsu curry’s with deserts iv been through it all, so don’t you unless you got a job, sell drugs or are 100% she’s worth it. I wont lie some females are.

15. You females who drive cars don’t think you’re bad, because you’re in the driving seat and are play some shit slow jam by r Kelly or some whack funky house from last nights rave on the highest level of volume, with all the windows (winded down) you look like fools don’t do it.

16. Rude boys who persist on wearing 2 hoodies a jacket, leather gloves aaaaaannnnnd a wholly hat, when its like 28degrees out side its not a good look we don’t live in the north pole.

17. Friends and random people who miss read the weather and wear warm clothes on a hot day. Its possible a bit dumb, I must say but possible.

But when the perpetrator is asked by his friend

“Aren’t you hot”?

coming with the lie

“Nah I ain’t hot cuz, im cold cuz, I feel like im in December cuz”.

Is not a good look, you just look like a MUG with no handle, we just saw you wipe the sweat off your forehead with your sleeve.

18. Old uncle like felloes who chirps young ladies, these guys come out in there 100s during the summer my young women be aware. You need to fall back if your one of them. And fall even further back if your one of the females that fall for their waist man lyrics.

19. Girls come correct don’t think your gods gift if approached by a dude, just because your wearing some top which is exposing your breast and a skirt that’s smaller than a hair band, you were probably only approached because you look loose.

20. Like wise fellas don’t think you’re hot because you’ve slaved away in the gym during the winter and now have a six-pack. Never forget If your ugly your ugly the gym can change the shape of your body but NOT your face. I say that in the nicest possible way

21. People that try change up there act or attitude coming with some next character during the summer, you fools don’t think us real people don’t remember how you were in the winter and spring so relax yourself.

22. Want to keep fit or get fit during the summer with out going gym?

all you need is a speed rope / skipping rope please believe me. 10mins a day in the garden I swear you’ll see the difference in your body in a month.

23. I touched on men liking sex a lot more during summer and I NO this is also the case for you females so if you do happen to get a bit erm horny in public, it doesn’t give you the excuse to get freaky in a toilet, car or changing room.

24. If you’re long term girl friend goes away on holiday DON’T CHEAT like wise vice versa to the females.

There’s always some one out there ready to snitch you up on your wrong doings and cheats always get caught out.

Like wise don’t do that shit where by you break up with your other half just so you can have a good time on holiday (makes no sense what so ever)

You know what you should and shouldn’t do so behave.

And oh you cock blockers fall back

25. The warm weather seems to give confidence to males to go and approach females during the summer, so if a guy isn’t coming with the smooth lyrics ladies allow him and remember it’s the sun talking. Like wise fellas don’t let a female do you like Gina did martin! As soon as she starts to go on gay towards you, moon walk away.

26. The coolest place in London during the summer time is your house or water stone the book store (SHIT THAT PLACE HAS THE SICKEST AIR CONDITIONING I EVER EXPERIENCED)

Please believe buses and trains are a fucking pain during soaring heats some times they don’t switch off the heaters and cars with no ac man you might as well walk getting stuck in traffic jams is not the one.

27. The young dudes out there that suddenly have Porsches and mercs, sorry to bait you up guys up, but you and I both know you rented it for the day.

28. Choose your nights out wisely, there’s awful lot of events taking place at different clubs throughout the summer, 60% shall be shit full of under aged girls, who you could have sworn was older than you.

Next thing you know your slapped with a underage sex charge against you. . she then lies and says you rapped her to save her own skin from her daddy and that’s you for the next 5years ! Be smart.

29. Sunglasses placed over ones eyes on the underground or anywhere there isn’t a ray of sunshine for that fact. Isn’t a good look, you just look FOOLISH. Exceptions go to the severely blind, posh spice, Mariah Carey and those suffering from hang overs.

30. Enough with the rare t-shirt shit mad by some one guy on Photoshop we all seem to be turning into a limited edition oriental store.

Now those that have been about for a bit and produce some serious shit keep it coming during the summer. . a.i.n.t, trap star, ugly kids club etc

(Me being a hypocrite watch out for my t’s LMAO! they will be free and will be given out on the blog some time in the near future)

31. Remember shave your armpit hair it helps fight the sweat. Don’t come out with some made long armpit hair, aren’t Julia Roberts and you aren’t cane rolling that shit either so shave it. And please wash thoroughly it helps.

32. Guys who purchase cars which are literally bangers and fit in a radio/ sound systems which a more expensive than the car and play summers club jam on the highest level you look like FOOLS.

33. Summer block busters at the movies, gives you a excuse to take that special persona out, don’t do pirates go to the cinema.

34. Chicken and chips in the hot summer heat is definitely not a good look. One of my friends always used to munch chicken and chips on hot days. Baffled me to

35. Mother Fuckers who squash them selves onto the underground trains. Don’t be doing this during summer times its dumb, trains come approximately ever 3mins. Eastender’s isn’t running away.

Oh and always carry a bottle of water on you fainting due to dehydration just holds up everyone on the train that want to get home. And if do happen to do that to me while im on the train I’ll just take a photo of you and put it on bntl.

36.my personal choice of shoe during the summer is the authentic as shown below cheap, classic and clean nike footscape’s, air180s, air structures and any other light weight shoe are ideal. I must state Rifts are played out and fake pairs bought in corner shops have just brought the look to a whole new low we no you people who have paid for a pair.

o and never trust a nike box in a blue bag, which resemble the bags which your mother used to bring home the meat shopping in.

37. if they don’t suit your legs don’t wear em for example I got chicken legs me wearing Bermuda shorts is not a good look like wise a a extra thick legged female wearing shorts.

38. Provoking wasps or bees a big no no.

39. Pasty people with cellulite who wear shorts! Dressing appropriately is key, just coz it's summer doesn't mean people don't see that you weigh 18 stone!

(38 and 39 contributed by my lady noddy)

And the minor van debate i saw last week on atcn your all wrong

It goes

Era’s > chukka boot > 106vulcanised >>>authentic >>>>>>>>>>>> sk8 hi

So remember everyone out there during summer

Relax,

take it easy,

pull you finger out and

enjoy it while it lasts (when it eventually returns).

Loving bntl like a fat kid loves cake